A little bird landed on his lap.
It sat there perfectly still.
Everything stopped.
There was silence.
And there was peace.
For a few quiet moments,
The whole world…
Was just my dad and that little bird
That looked at him to say,
“You’re going to go soon.
I just wanted to see you before you do.”
There is no drug on earth that can do to me what you do
It’s an addiction I try,
But cannot quit.
The longing
Day
After day
For just one more…
Touch.
One more…
Kiss.
Once more…
To see that face,
That face that holds so much.
Thinking,
Believing,
All the time,
That just once more,
Will finally be enough.
Then you come,
And I let myself forget
That it’s only borrowed
That it’s not mine.
Once more comes and goes.
And I’m left longing yet again.
It will be better for them in the long run.
I tell myself.
I can make up for having two lives,
Two homes,
Two selves.
I can fill them with enough love,
Given in half the time.
What they live
While they’re away…
I can beat that.
I can erase,
What they might be seeing,
By being a better me.
I can be their whole world,
I can hold their world,
Until they come home again.
I can teach them,
In half the time,
All that they need to learn
And unlearn.
I can mend their broken hearts,
If only while they’re here.
I can hope
That one day they’ll understand,
That it will be better for them,
In the long run.
I hope.
My body itself
THE self
Detach and let my mind
Remain locked.
I want
To Forget feelings and just try
to feel.
A hand on my thigh
Does not have to touch,
Deeper.
Leave the heart out of it,
I say.
Ah, but the heart feels,
The head knows,
The body shivers.
And the skin wants no more
Of the touch that lies.
Remember your worth,
He said.
Remember…you’re worthless
He said
I’ll put you in a corner
And beat you down,
With fists made of words.
I’ll spit insults into your hair
That will burn through your brain
And come out through your eyes.
Flooding the floor around you.
I’ll watch you slip
In your own mess
Made up of everything that’s ever been wrong with you.
And leave you there
curled up on the floor,
Soaking in your own degradation.
I touched the sky once.
I felt the blue.
It slipped in through my fingertips,
And I held it,
Inside my hands.
It filled me up,
And seeped through my veins.
Until it stopped,
At my heart.
Until it stopped,
My heart.
My heart,
Filled with blue sky.
And blue became yellow.
Sunlight shining out through my eyes.
And it was warm.
Then yellow became white.
And it was soft.
So I fell asleep.
Thinking I was safe.
Dreaming,
On my internal cloud.
But while I slept,
It began to rain.
The sunshine slipped out,
And only the blue remained.
I keep peeling and peeling and peeling.
Tossing away the layers that bind.
And blind.
Until I’m nothing more than a tiny seed.
Set to burrow deep in the ground.
Until I grow again.
But this time,
I’m going to bloom.
theniceredhead 